There are many things I hate about my "day job" like the fact that it's a corporate environment which hires artists like self. This can cause a lot of friction when dealing with brass types who pride themselves, nay, revel in the fact that they are not "creatives." They say that word with a mixture of condescension and fear that only dependence can muster, as if they were saying "witches." We are a necessary evil in their world because they are a corporation that produces entertainment, but one gets the sense that they view us like we're aliens who are just a little beneath them. Speaking of beneath, I also hate that the job is kind of beneath me in that it is producing, writing, directing, and acting, but for the lowest possible common denominator and with the intent of offending none nor even making them think too much. This is an important point. Whenever I present ideas, the litmus test of whether we'll go for it is whether or not it will appeal to the under-twelve children of the brass. I also hate it because I've learned that the only path to survival or success there is being a "yes man." I was astonished that this paradigm actually existed in the real world, but I've watched incompetence survive, rise, and even prosper by mere virtue of the fact that it says, "Yes, I will. Yes, I think so." It doesn't even have to actually deliver, it merely has to say it is willing, willing, willing to take orders pleasantly, placidly, and without alteration or question until the next contradictory order comes down the pike. It does not pay to be a "creative;" it pays only to say, "Yes." Pay is another thing: this company like many others, I'm sure, is leaning on the old "economy" to avoid raises and promises it's made.
Having said that, there are things I love and hate about it. It is a double-edged sword in that they refuse to make me full-time so they won't have to pay for benefits, but I also take advantage of that by making my own schedule, taking time for teaching, performing, auditioning, whatever, whenever I like. They don't always like this but they know that I provide a service they need on time so they usually let me do as I please. This is good for an actor. Another thing about the job that has been both good and bad for me has been the, how shall I say it, growth opportunities that have occurred there. I have had run-ins, reviews, and rants with my immediate supervisors that have left me ready to clear out my desk and march home, but my need for the cash and my appreciation for my immediate team (more on that later) have forced me to take a more zen approach to a lot of the frustrations there. Interestingly, getting detached from the work while still doing it completely, well, and on time have led me to a much greater sense of enjoyment at work. Yes, it's made me a "yes man," too, but I'm not attached to the outcome of appreciation or raises or promotions. This may be due in some part to our having secured private health insurance, but I remember its starting to happen many months before.
There are, too, things I love about the day job. I really do adore my immediate team. We are a real hodge-podge of personalities and types, but we have achieved a sense of family. There are moments when I adore each of them and moments when I've wanted to strangle each one... family. I know and they know we are all there for one another on the job or off. There is a sense of genuine caring there. Also, the company has a program that really helped us out when we had our unfortunate thievery incidents earlier this year. Everyone involved worked terribly hard to make the programs available work for us and it really did help a tremendous amount. And then there is the reason I enjoy the most: the nature. An encounter with a glorious sight today is what prompted this little contemplation here. I looked up this afternoon and the trees were in a riot of color surrounding the pale gray of the rock under an impossibly blue sky. It hurt my eyes almost to look at it. The last few weeks have been marked by numerous sightings of foxes and about two months ago a beautiful doe and TWO fawns came to feed in the side yard outside my office window for nearly half an hour wending their way from one thicket of trees to the other. The "office" is a dilapidated house with rotting window sills, a plethora of insect life, and an odd petroleum smell... but there are deer just outside my window on a golden afternoon under the trees.
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elliedee's journal
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